Robert Frost sums up my current state of mind and reflections on life very well with

"The Road Not Taken"

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Sometimes it's tough to remember to keep looking forward - and not back at the road you didn't take.

I heard recently that a date has been selected for my 10 year high school reunion. 10 years. In some ways, it's hard to believe it's been that long... and in others, it seems longer. I'm not where I expected to be at this point of my life... I think the "path not taken" in my life will probably surprise many people - old friends, teachers, the people who wouldn't talk to me in school, myself.

My list of "Have Done's" and "Haven't Done's" is almost opposite what I expected. I haven't graduated from college, I haven't gotten married or had children, I haven't published a great American novel or written a song that's topped the charts. I haven't invented the next toaster oven, or helped send a rocket to the moon. I haven't done a whole lot that the up and coming business world would consider "success." I don't have a whole lot to hide behind under the guise of successful showing off. But...

But, I have lived on both sides of the country. I have done a cross-country road trip... by myself... without staying in hotels... I have loved... and lost (and I do believe that experience was better than to have never loved at all.) I have folded laundry and scrubbed toilets, I have climbed trees and served coffee. I have discovered the uncounted uses for duct tape. I have laughed at weddings and cried at funerals. I have danced on the beach and ridden roller coasters until I was dizzy. I have scrubbed leaves from the roof of my grandfather's house, and been a human jungle gym for my cousin's children. I have celebrated victories, and lamented defeats. I have tried to hide from God.... and I have gone running to His arms. I have discovered that my inner child may not be as far deep inside me as the world would have me believe. I have learned that in order to truly live life in living color, you need to be able to laugh at yourself, and love unconditionally.

If I had to live the last ten years over, would I do everything exactly the same? No. I would spend less time investigating the intracacies of the latest video games, and more time out at the park, throwing frisbees for my favorite golden retriever. I would spend less time worrying about how much people like me, and more time figuring out how to shower others with genuine friendship and (dare I say it?) love. I would spend less time daydreaming about what I wish I could do, and more time figuring out how to actually accomplish it. I would spend less time wondering if people are proud of me, and more time wondering if God is proud of me.

All the same, I think I well and truly have taken the road less travelled.... and it has made all the difference. I sincerely pray that I continue to find that road in the future.

The Full Armor of God

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Ephesians 6:10-18

This past week I have been very aware of spiritual warfare. I think one of Satan's favorite targets to attack is a junior high outreach summer camp, staff and campers alike. What I realized this morning is that despite being aware of the battle, I haven't been nearly as active as I could be. I've been mentally providing a running commentary of what I see around me, rather than running for my sword and armor and diving headfirst into the fight.

By nature, I'm not a warrior. Granted, there are certain topics that will rile me some, and people I'm rather protective of and will fight for, but in the grand scheme of things, I'm more likely to be the one dispensing band aids and lollipops than the one stalking the fort in the grass at 3am in camo and greasepaint.

I think it's time for that to change, at least spiritually. (No, I don't plan on joining the army any time soon... I'll leave that to my brother) My belt of truth and shield of faith need some maintenance, and there's gaps and chinks in them. Fears, insecurities, distrust, a selfish one-sided point of view all slip through those chinks and paralyze me because I don't have well maintained armor. In the past, they probably would have kept me down for days, hindered relationships, and isolated me from everyone around me. The most recent round, while difficult, at least made me aware of what is going on. Rather than curl up inside myself and throw a pity party because I hurt, this time, I prayed... and kept praying. A battle that normally would have lasted days, took place in an intense 30 hour period. And now I know whawt to watch for. It's time for me to sit down and do some major spiritual maintenance.

For starters, there is truth. When the father of lies tells me that I'm not someone people want to be around, those same people are telling me they do. When that voice whispers in my mind that I'm all alone in the world, I look at my housemates, and know that alone is the last thing I am. When I hear "You'll never measure up," I look at the stories of the bible, and know that some of the biggest screwups of all time were some of the people closest to God's heart, and were not only forgiven, but treasured by Him.

Then there is faith. Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1 I am certain that I am going to heaven. I am a princess of the kingdom of God, adopted into his family, and that is irrevocable. What happens in this life, is subject to change without notice, but the beauty of this story is that I know how the last chapter ends. I need to keep my eyes on that final page in mind, and not get wrapped up in the relatively minor details of what happens on page 20 of chapter 26.

The core of both of truth and faith is the Word of God. I've been diving deeper into the Word more and more each day, and need to continue to do so. My bible reading habits have always been sporadic, with periods of intense concentration, and periods of absolutely nothing. The Word is truth, and I gain confidence in who I am as a child of God, his workmanship when I steep myself in that truth. Faith grows out of truth and trust, so all three go hand in hand.

My conclusion.... Love your Bible, never leave home without it, even when you can't physically take the actual book with you. When you memorize scripture, it's always with you, and you can draw upon it all the time, any time. Knowing what God says is the first step towards a truely spectacular set of armor.

Duct Tape Goes To Camp

Top 10 ways to use Duct Tape at a Young Life Camp.

1. Create a leash for your keys. Take a long strip of duct tape, run it through your key ring, then through your belt loop. You'll always know where they are!

2. Show off your accomplishments on your favorite golf cart WWII Memphis Belle style. Cut light bulbs, toilet plungers and mop buckets out of duct tape and apply to the sides of the cart. Add the YL bug logo to the front while you're at it. Everyone will know exactly how sweet your skills are.

3. Duct tape rags to your hands and wash windows ultra quickly!

4. Use duct tape to hold drop cloths in place while painting buildings. Better yet, skip the painting, and apply duct tape to the surfaces that need paint. It's easy to touch up later... just apply more tape!

5. Help campers who bought stuff at the store pack quickly. Throw everything into the suitcase and duct tape shut.

6. Create awards for the staff and families who volunteer at work week out of duct tape rolls and various construction supplies (paint brushes, toilet paper rolls, etc.) Let everyone who lends a hand at camp know they matter!

7. Use duct tape to repair all the slightly broken items that are discarded to the intern house. A few more layers of of tape, and that lamp will have lots of life in it again!

8. Create adjustable air filters. Stretch strips of tape across the air intake for the air conditioner, sticky side out. The sticky side will catch the dirt, and it's cheap to replace!

9. Make sure every team of campers can identify their stuff. Use duct tape on large sheets to make informational and directional signs. No one will ever be lost by accident again!

10. Help the kitchen servers keep their trays balanced. Tape the trays to each server's hands and shoulder. Go ahead and tape the serving dishes to the tray while you're at it.

So please... mail your favorite Work Crew, Summer Staff or Property Intern a roll of duct tape! (electrical tape will work too in a pinch... colored tape is even better!) :-D

10 Uses for Duct Tape at a Wedding

In honor of the weddings of my brother and best friend from college in December (2 seperate weddings... I did not go to school with my brother's fiancee, though that would have been fun!), I will contribute my top 10 uses for duct tape at a wedding - and then shut up about it, so they have the next 8 months to recover from the mental shock. :-D

10. Silver is a good accent color for a wedding. Use duct tape to make pew bows.

9. Tape the isle runner to the floor. Better yet, use overlapping strips to make the isle runner from scratch.

8. Gentlemen, having trouble finding a bow tie that fits comfortably? Make your own out of duct tape. Add a macthing cummerbund for effect.

7. Wrap flower boquet stems in duct tape. Rose thorns and leaves are no longer an issue.

6. Save money on the whole tux rental thing. Make your entire outfit out of black and white duct tape.

5. Make a garter out of duct tape. The guy who catches it will truely appreciate it!

4. Dress too loose at the last minute? Apply white duct tape as needed.

3. Afraid of flowers wilting halfway through the celebration? Make roses out of duct tape. They'll last for years to come.

2. Keep the bride and groom from seeing one another before the wedding. Tape the doors shut until the music starts playing.

1. Make sure everyone knows they were married! Write "Just Married" on the back window of the car before they leave the reception.

My love to both couples through this planning process. Don't forget that laughing often is an important ingredient in both marriage and planning a wedding!

Imperfect Quilt Squares

I've learned something today... again.

Beauty and Perfection do not need to go hand in hand. Oh, I've told myself that for years... that I don't need to be perfect, that you can't actually reach perfection this side of heaven... and yet I continue to reach for it. Perhaps wishing and hoping that if I achieve perfection, the empty places in me will be filled, that life will always be sunny (but not TOO warm!) and things will always be good. I know it's impossible... but when has knowing something was impossible ever stopped me from trying to do it anyway???

Mom made a quilt for me last winter. Sort of a combination Birthday/Christmas/You're-moving-across-the-country-and-I'm-going-to-miss-you gift. I got to help. The pattern is uniquely me. It's the first quilt design I've come up with in my head that has actually become reality. I'm now slowly in the process of creating throw pillows, pillow shams and other decorative items to match. My first major sewing project that involved more than 4 seams and some pillow stuffing.

Perhaps it's because I'm the creator of these new accessories that I see the imperfections in them. Oh sure, there might have been a loose thread here or there in the quilt Mom made, but I don't see those as imperfections. I see them as character. Then I look at the pieces I'm working on, and I see squares that aren't quite square, rectangles that were cut a smidge too long, seam allowances that don't line up... and I feel like I'll never measure up... that someone will easily be able to tell my mom's work from my own.

I've been reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge. Ladies, I encourage you to read it. You'll probably be faced with truths you would rather stayed buried and ignored, but isn't that what growth is about? Guys, I encourage you to read it. Hopefully it will shed some light for you on why the females in your life act the way they do. (Yes, we really do have a dancing/twirling/spinning gene. Please, Indulge that gene. It tells us we're beautiful.)

Captivating is teaching me - slowly - again, for the umpteenth time - why I feel lonely and imperfect. Why I feel like the cry of my soul has gone unanswered. The mental image in my mind is one of a child shouting into a tin can... when they could be listening for echoes at the Grand Canyon. I have restricted myself to my safety zone, and tried to stuff fluff into the corners (relationships with guys, diets, work,makeup, romance novels, etc.) to make me feel significant and beautiful, rather than asking the very One who created me if I'm beautiful... and then believing Him when He tells me "YES!" It's hard to believe that I'm beautiful when I look in the mirror and see imperfections.

I finally got one quilt square done today that I was truly proud of. Every piece lined up, every seam was straight (more or less), it was the correct size it was supposed to be for this stage of assembly. How shocking would it be if that quilt square stood up, walked over to the mirror, examined itself on both sides, then looked at me and said, "I'm not beautiful. I have a thread hanging out over here, this seam is going to come apart, and these folds got stitched the wrong way!" I have been guilty of doing that to God. Maybe not always about physical attributes (although those can often be high on the list). Sometimes it's circumstances and situations. "God, WHY did I have to feel that??" Sometimes it's stumbling block and emotional dead-ends. "God, I'd rather be doing this..."

Then I started thinking about the squares I'd made that I didn't consider as measuring up. How often I feel like one of those squares... sitting on the discard pile, waiting to either be taken apart and reused or tossed in the trash as completely useless. Ladies, Satan wants nothing more than for us to be frozen immobile in life by believing that we are worthless and are sitting in the discard pile. Even if we are in serious need of a spiritual makeover, I promise you that God will NOT discard any one of us, from the crankiest grandma to the abandoned newborn. We may go through a time in our life where we're taken apart and put back together again, but we're not destined for the trash heap.

Read Captivating. Stasi and John are so much more eloquent than I am (not to mention having a professional editor!) And God is even more eloquent than any of us. We just need to risk sticking our heads out of our safety zones, pulling our fingers out of our ears, and listening to what He has been shouting into the Grand Canyon, "You are my daughter, and you are beautiful!"

Re: Re: Lonliness

This is in response to both my brother's response to Jason's blog on lonliness, and Jason's blog itself. Rather than clog up the respective comment sections, I'll editorialize here.

I think Bryan's comment is right - we (that is Americans and American culture) have gotten into the habit of giving up easily. There are a dozen or two areas I could point fingers at as possible causes of this but that won't solve the problem, so I won't go there.

My first thought is - Why do we want to be known? To be accepted? To know we're valued? and on the flip side, Why don't we talk about feeling lonely? Are we afraid of discovering we're the only person who is? (We've already established that's not true) Are we afraid of being vulnerable, and having that vulnerability abused?

I think there's a bit of a catch 22 involved in making a GOOD connection with others. We want a connection with someone, but are afraid to bring up the subject and risk rejection. That fear builds a wall between ourselves and the world, leaving us feeling more isolated, more convinced that no one else will understand how we feel, and more afraid to speak up and reach out to someone else. More fear = more walls, and the cycle continues. It quickly becomes the proverbial elephant in the room, and leaves everyone feeling awkward around one another, and very little connecting actually happening.

My second thought is - American culture tends to base it's perception of reality on the media's portrayal of fantasy. I don't know about your life, but I certainly don't have nearly the amount of chaos, mayhem, romance and drama in a month of my life as happens in a half hour of any major prime time television series (pick your favorite). Does that mean there's something wrong with my life? Are all of my relationships supposed to resemble those of the characters in Grey's Anatomy? Am I a failure because, at 26, I don't have a six-figure career, a significant other who buys me jewelry and treats me like a queen, and a vacation house somewhere expensive? I think not. And I won't be a failure at 60 if I haven't accomplished any of those things either. I agree with my brother that we impose our pre-concieved notions of what a connection should be on one another before the first "hi" is even spoken, basing everything on what is portrayed as the ideal.

My third thought is - Don't expect perfection in an imperfect world. (and frankly, I think perfection would be boring). Today's disposable economy says "If it doesn't work the way you want it to, throw it out and go buy something that does." I think we get frustrated (and sometimes hurt) by imperfect connections, and toss them in the trash, rather than working on improving them. It's sort of like throwing the entire TV away and going shopping for a new one, simply because the bunny ears on top don't pick up ABC properly. (we'll leave cable and sattelite out of it for now). Rather than give up on the entire TV, a little effort at fine tuning things, and adjusting the situation (where the ears are pointing) will usually make vast improvements to the connection. If drastic measures are called for - get a bigger set of ears... :-)

My fourth thought is - God gave us two ears and one mouth - to be used in that proportion. Despite our lonliness, how willing are we to listen to someone else's problems, issues, lonliness? My mother used to tell me when I was a kid (and had just discovered that the mailman could bring letters to ME) that I had to send mail in order to get mail. In other words, initiate the connection, no matter how imperfect it may be.

*Tosses two pennies into the fish tank* There's my two cents worth for now... Anyone else have thoughts?? I'm sure I'll come up with more in time.

Buy Stock In Purell

Think back to the days of middle school and high school. Think back to summer camp. What better way to spend your bedtime prep time (when you're supposed to be brushing your teeth - but aren't) than to memorialize yourself on the underside of the bunk above you for ever and ever?? Remember writing "Suzy loves Johnny" or "Stevie was here!" or "This is MY bunk"? Perhaps your idea was a little more inspirational, and you wrote scripture references to encourage the person who slept there next.

Ever wonder why there was so much room to write on? It's because someone came through and cleaned off what was written by the folks who were in your bunk last week/month. :-) Don't get me wrong - there's something memorable about leaving graffitti all over your camp bunk, but keep in mind that someone will come through and clean it up later. And at Southwind, that person is me.

Today's heartfelt thanks goes out to Dani and Robert, who have inadvertantly saved my life. I remember you every time I look at a bottle of Purell. Why? Because of a little known fact about Purell. It takes permanent marker off of most smooth surfaces. The undersides of most of our bunks are ... smooth laminated particle board. They scream "Look, write on me!" to the kids, and I go through anywhere from 8 to 20 oz of Purell, cleaning it right back off. So, buy stock in Purell. As long as there are summer camps, there will be a use for Purell!

Florida, Here I come!

Yes, you heard right... I'm moving! To a beautiful Young Life camp property in Florida.



I'll be moved out of my house on the 31st of August, and will be heading ou on a great cross country roadtrip shortly after Labor Day weekend.

I intend to blog as much as I can of my trip, so if you're interested in my life and what a cross country road trip looks like, stay tuned!

And by the way, doesn't this just look like FUN?



They've got a 15 ft splash fountain to run around in, and a huge waterslide! Not to mention the ever-present swimming pool!

Cheers!