Of Words and Men

Every once in awhile, as I go through life, I come across one of those words that, on the surface, seems easy to define - and then the more I think about it, the more nebulous it becomes.

Take gossip for instance... It's been a hot topic of frustration and contention among my sorority sisters lately, both as an activity, and as a subject of conversation. What is gossip, exactly? What topics of conversation constitute gossip? What's OK and what isn't? How much do we think about what comes out of our mouths - both before and after we say it?

When I'm in doubt about a word, I turn to my trusty friend Webster (who rarely says more than I ask him for):


gos·sip, n.

1. Rumor or talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature.
2. A person who habitually spreads intimate or private rumors or facts.
3. Trivial, chatty talk or writing.
4. A close friend or companion.
5. Chiefly British. A godparent.

Since we're not in Great Britian, I don't think that #5 applies... and I haven't seen #4 used in context since the '40s or so.... so that leaves us with stuff that's either trivial, or personal/sensational/intimate. Trivial doesn't really seem relevant to the type of damage we all know gossip can cause, so I'll rule that out for the time being.

Personal, Sensational and/or Intimate. (Hmmm.... does that include your own life I wonder?) I particularly think the sensational part is true. Think about the ever-so-wonderful drama rags at the Safeway checkout counter. Their mission in life is to be sensational - truth is more or less secondary. Everything is relative, and shown from their point of view.

The bible groups slanderers (people who say things about someone that aren't true, and usually cause harm to their reputation) and gossips in with those who can't be trusted, and those who lack integrity.

My experiences with gossip tend to reflect these traits:
A) The person in question doing the talking often wants attention and gets it while sharing something sensational
B) The information relayed tends to come from the talkers point of view, and is filtered through their perspective. If they like the topic they're relaying, it's presented in a very positive light. If they don't like it, a very negative light is shed. Everything is usually presented as fact, though it may be quite skewed by the attitude and point of view of the speaker.

How then, as a Christian, do I create and apply a filter to my thoughts and words to prevent this sort of thing? My relationship with God and my integrity (which go hand in hand) are really all I truely have in this world that no one can take away from me. I want to protect them at all costs (even though sometimes I screw up and fail)

To put it into more concrete terms, I difine gossip like this:

1. Anything that doesn't relate directly to me/my life/something I have experienced/ and how I would resolve a situation
2. Anything that involves venting/ranting/expressing frustration about a situation in such a way as to put someone (especially another Christian) in a bad light
3. Anything that's not mine to tell, regardless of whether I was specifically asked not to repeat it or not.
4. Anything that isn't constructive to another person or myself.

As my mother used to say about my attempts to clean my room (which I need to do) "If in doubt, throw it out" or "Better to keep your mouth shut, and let people think you are a fool, then to open your mouth and prove it"


Proverbs has quite a lot to say on the subject of conduct and gossip:

Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right. (Prov 20:11)

Gold there is, and rubies in abundance, but lips that speak knowledge are a rare jewel. (Prov 20:15)

A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man (or woman) who talks too much. (Prov 20:19)

And then there's Phillipians 4:8:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Perhaps I have a narrow view of what doesn't constitute gossip - but this is one of the few times when I think it's important to err on the side of caution. Words hurt far far more than most of us are willing to admit - unless we're on the receiving end of someone's verbal assault. We tend to treat handguns and knives with more respect and caution than we do the spoken word... yet words can do just as much damage - sometimes more, because it's not immediately visible damage. I have come to the point where I would rather be considered closed mouthed (and anyone who knows me, knows I'm capable of rambling at 90wpm+) than an untrustworthy gossip or hurt someone somehow with something thoughtless I've said.

Not to say that I'm going to take a vow of silence anytime soon, but that I need to work even more on watching what I say, thinking about it, pondering even, before I actually say it. The old woodworker's mantra applies "measure twice, cut once" - only it's "think twice, speak once"

So, in true discussion format - thoughts? questions? comments? opinions? I'm interested to know what you think on the subject...

48 Hours - an All NEW Edition

I know not everyone who's going to get this is on speaking terms with the Big Guy upstairs - if you are... prayer is appreciated - if not... that's all right too... here's a synopsis of the last 48 or so hours of my life...

Some of you know that my Grandmother has been having some problems health wise recently (as in - since Thanksgiving). This past week, has seen a sharp decline, as she has started behaving extremely erratically (usually leaving the house at unusual times in her pajamas in order to do something she considers extremely important... like mail a letter at 5am... only the post office isn't open, so she can't buy a stamp), so she sits outside for awhile, then goes home)

This last Saturday was the most serious episode, since we don't know exactly how long she was outside. Grandpa had hidden the car keys, so thankfully she wasn't behind the wheel this time, or I suspect someone would probably be dead right now. Grandpa woke up around 9am Sat, and couldn't find Grandma. (They live in Seattle - which had a 50 MPH wind / rain storm Friday night and Saturday). My entire family in that area was called in to search for her, as were the police and Search and Rescue teams. When they found her (curled up in the bushes about a block from the house), she was incoherent, and hypothermic. She was admitted to the psych ward at the hospital so they could stabilize her and make sure she didn't wander off again, but pneumonia is a pretty high risk right now. She's convinced there's a conspiracy in the family to have her committed, and unfortunately, by admitting her to the hospital for the hypothermia, I have a feeling that's cemented in her mind.

As of today, she's refusing her medication, thinking that the hospital is trying to poision her. The doctors are thinking right now that this is something temporary, brought on by shock and depression (rooted in the health problems that started back in Nov), but she's got to be taking the meds in order to see if she'll pull out of it - so there's a rather nasty catch 22 going on.I will be talking to my boss tomorrow about taking a couple days off so I can fly up and say goodbye... since things are so unpredictable that there's really no telling what tomorrow is going to bring.

So, specific focal points for prayer:
1. That I can keep a grip on myself and not become a basket case. It's been very difficult to not come unglued today - mostly because there's nothing I can do about the situation RIGHT NOW. I need patience, understanding and a deeper understanding of Philippians 4:6-7 :-)

2. That I can be alert and effective at work, so I can get my tasks done in less time then usual, so I can go up there with a clean desk behind me - and not worry about what I'm not getting done.

3. That God will intervene and break the cycle going on within Grandma, or at least provide one more opportunity for someone to share (attempt to share) the gospel. She has been extremely hostile and unreceptive thus far.

4. That Grandpa can hold up, and remain strong. My aunt says he appears to have aged 20 years in the last 3 days... and I'm concerned for him too

5. That my mom and her siblings (and my brother and I) can calmly and easily arrive at a course of action to persue through this - without a lot of fighting, crabbiness and hurt feelings.

My grandparents are David and Margaret, by the way.

Thank you for reading this, and for your thoughts and prayers. It means a lot to know that I am not alone going through this.