Re: Re: Lonliness

This is in response to both my brother's response to Jason's blog on lonliness, and Jason's blog itself. Rather than clog up the respective comment sections, I'll editorialize here.

I think Bryan's comment is right - we (that is Americans and American culture) have gotten into the habit of giving up easily. There are a dozen or two areas I could point fingers at as possible causes of this but that won't solve the problem, so I won't go there.

My first thought is - Why do we want to be known? To be accepted? To know we're valued? and on the flip side, Why don't we talk about feeling lonely? Are we afraid of discovering we're the only person who is? (We've already established that's not true) Are we afraid of being vulnerable, and having that vulnerability abused?

I think there's a bit of a catch 22 involved in making a GOOD connection with others. We want a connection with someone, but are afraid to bring up the subject and risk rejection. That fear builds a wall between ourselves and the world, leaving us feeling more isolated, more convinced that no one else will understand how we feel, and more afraid to speak up and reach out to someone else. More fear = more walls, and the cycle continues. It quickly becomes the proverbial elephant in the room, and leaves everyone feeling awkward around one another, and very little connecting actually happening.

My second thought is - American culture tends to base it's perception of reality on the media's portrayal of fantasy. I don't know about your life, but I certainly don't have nearly the amount of chaos, mayhem, romance and drama in a month of my life as happens in a half hour of any major prime time television series (pick your favorite). Does that mean there's something wrong with my life? Are all of my relationships supposed to resemble those of the characters in Grey's Anatomy? Am I a failure because, at 26, I don't have a six-figure career, a significant other who buys me jewelry and treats me like a queen, and a vacation house somewhere expensive? I think not. And I won't be a failure at 60 if I haven't accomplished any of those things either. I agree with my brother that we impose our pre-concieved notions of what a connection should be on one another before the first "hi" is even spoken, basing everything on what is portrayed as the ideal.

My third thought is - Don't expect perfection in an imperfect world. (and frankly, I think perfection would be boring). Today's disposable economy says "If it doesn't work the way you want it to, throw it out and go buy something that does." I think we get frustrated (and sometimes hurt) by imperfect connections, and toss them in the trash, rather than working on improving them. It's sort of like throwing the entire TV away and going shopping for a new one, simply because the bunny ears on top don't pick up ABC properly. (we'll leave cable and sattelite out of it for now). Rather than give up on the entire TV, a little effort at fine tuning things, and adjusting the situation (where the ears are pointing) will usually make vast improvements to the connection. If drastic measures are called for - get a bigger set of ears... :-)

My fourth thought is - God gave us two ears and one mouth - to be used in that proportion. Despite our lonliness, how willing are we to listen to someone else's problems, issues, lonliness? My mother used to tell me when I was a kid (and had just discovered that the mailman could bring letters to ME) that I had to send mail in order to get mail. In other words, initiate the connection, no matter how imperfect it may be.

*Tosses two pennies into the fish tank* There's my two cents worth for now... Anyone else have thoughts?? I'm sure I'll come up with more in time.

Buy Stock In Purell

Think back to the days of middle school and high school. Think back to summer camp. What better way to spend your bedtime prep time (when you're supposed to be brushing your teeth - but aren't) than to memorialize yourself on the underside of the bunk above you for ever and ever?? Remember writing "Suzy loves Johnny" or "Stevie was here!" or "This is MY bunk"? Perhaps your idea was a little more inspirational, and you wrote scripture references to encourage the person who slept there next.

Ever wonder why there was so much room to write on? It's because someone came through and cleaned off what was written by the folks who were in your bunk last week/month. :-) Don't get me wrong - there's something memorable about leaving graffitti all over your camp bunk, but keep in mind that someone will come through and clean it up later. And at Southwind, that person is me.

Today's heartfelt thanks goes out to Dani and Robert, who have inadvertantly saved my life. I remember you every time I look at a bottle of Purell. Why? Because of a little known fact about Purell. It takes permanent marker off of most smooth surfaces. The undersides of most of our bunks are ... smooth laminated particle board. They scream "Look, write on me!" to the kids, and I go through anywhere from 8 to 20 oz of Purell, cleaning it right back off. So, buy stock in Purell. As long as there are summer camps, there will be a use for Purell!

Florida, Here I come!

Yes, you heard right... I'm moving! To a beautiful Young Life camp property in Florida.



I'll be moved out of my house on the 31st of August, and will be heading ou on a great cross country roadtrip shortly after Labor Day weekend.

I intend to blog as much as I can of my trip, so if you're interested in my life and what a cross country road trip looks like, stay tuned!

And by the way, doesn't this just look like FUN?



They've got a 15 ft splash fountain to run around in, and a huge waterslide! Not to mention the ever-present swimming pool!

Cheers!

Food for Thought

We had a speaker at the college fellowship I occasionally attend (not really in college anymore) last week that drew some parallels between the food pyramid we all know and love - and aspects of a healthy spiritual life.

Are you getting your spiritual fruits and veggies???

Here's how it broke down:

-Worship is like carbohydrates - it's the fuel that keeps you going throughout the day. God wants nothing more than to spend time with YOU. (think romantic candlelit dinner, flowers on the table, and you're staring into one another's eyes... God wants THAT with you every chance he gets! (various verses in Genesis 24)

-Prayer is like protein - you need it to grow. Without it - life is stressful, chaotic and stunted. It's existance more than living. If you give God only your busy time ... you'll be busy for the rest of your life (the 30 second "Hi-God-I've-got-a-test-in-2-minutes-please-help-me-pass" is busy time) You're not listening for his response. Give God your free time - you'll have more free time. Stop and take time to LISTEN. You'll come to undersand God, who He is, what He's about, and in so, the wisdom and discerning Solomon had will begin to grow in you. You'll have more free time because you'll spend less time worrying about decisions, and you'll have confidence - won't waste time waffling on decisions, or trying to find the best this-or-that... You can get past the business of existing, and get to the business of LIVING. ( John 10:10)

-Reading the Bible is like fruits and veggies - it's the vitamins that keep you healthy. When you're immersed in the word, you KNOW what God says about certain subjects, what's right, what's wrong, what He likes, and what He doesn't. You don't end up making it up as you go along... (Psalm 119:103)

- Fellowship is like dairy products - it contributes to your structure and keeps you from buckling under pressure. You need it to grow and mature. A christian alone is a recipe for temptation... a person without calcium is asking for a bad fall and a broken hip. (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

- Acts of service are like exercise - it's an outlet for what you've taken in. Without excercise, your body gets weak, flabby, and eventually starts to get sick and rot from the inside out. A Christian who's not serving others will get weak, flabby and sick. They're out of touch with the outside world. Acts of service doesn't have to be anything big... like being a missionary in the outer reaches of upper Mongolia for the rest of your life. (if that's your calling, GREAT!) But for others, it's as simple as grabbing that shopping cart that's the farthest away, and bringing it with you when you go in to shop. Hold the door for an elderly person. Help a kid tie his shoes. Make a meal for a brand-new mom and her family. Give your roommate a ride to work when his car breaks down. Get into the habit of serving - you'll be surprised how much you do without thinking, and people will notice that something's different about you... the same way you can tell an athlete by toned muscles. (James 2:14-26)

Want to know what the oils, sugars and other "discretionary calories" are???

PLAYTIME! ( Psalm 145)

Go have FUN. Take a white water rafting trip - go hiking in the mountains. play Bunco with your fellowship group (and anyone else who wants to come) Go stargazing. Plan an all-night broom hockey tournament at the skating rink. Go paintballing. Have a Halo tournament. Take a cross-country road trip. God designed us with a desire for adventure and play - it's more than OK to do so once in awhile! But just like a diet entirely of sugar isn't a good thing - a life entirely of play isn't either. Balance it out ... and people really will want to know why you're different, why your life seems more put together than theirs is.... not to say your life will always be peachy... there will be thorns along with the roses.... but it will be more vibrant, more ALIVE and more healthy than you can imagine...

How's that for "food for thought" for the day! :-D

Of Words and Men

Every once in awhile, as I go through life, I come across one of those words that, on the surface, seems easy to define - and then the more I think about it, the more nebulous it becomes.

Take gossip for instance... It's been a hot topic of frustration and contention among my sorority sisters lately, both as an activity, and as a subject of conversation. What is gossip, exactly? What topics of conversation constitute gossip? What's OK and what isn't? How much do we think about what comes out of our mouths - both before and after we say it?

When I'm in doubt about a word, I turn to my trusty friend Webster (who rarely says more than I ask him for):


gos·sip, n.

1. Rumor or talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature.
2. A person who habitually spreads intimate or private rumors or facts.
3. Trivial, chatty talk or writing.
4. A close friend or companion.
5. Chiefly British. A godparent.

Since we're not in Great Britian, I don't think that #5 applies... and I haven't seen #4 used in context since the '40s or so.... so that leaves us with stuff that's either trivial, or personal/sensational/intimate. Trivial doesn't really seem relevant to the type of damage we all know gossip can cause, so I'll rule that out for the time being.

Personal, Sensational and/or Intimate. (Hmmm.... does that include your own life I wonder?) I particularly think the sensational part is true. Think about the ever-so-wonderful drama rags at the Safeway checkout counter. Their mission in life is to be sensational - truth is more or less secondary. Everything is relative, and shown from their point of view.

The bible groups slanderers (people who say things about someone that aren't true, and usually cause harm to their reputation) and gossips in with those who can't be trusted, and those who lack integrity.

My experiences with gossip tend to reflect these traits:
A) The person in question doing the talking often wants attention and gets it while sharing something sensational
B) The information relayed tends to come from the talkers point of view, and is filtered through their perspective. If they like the topic they're relaying, it's presented in a very positive light. If they don't like it, a very negative light is shed. Everything is usually presented as fact, though it may be quite skewed by the attitude and point of view of the speaker.

How then, as a Christian, do I create and apply a filter to my thoughts and words to prevent this sort of thing? My relationship with God and my integrity (which go hand in hand) are really all I truely have in this world that no one can take away from me. I want to protect them at all costs (even though sometimes I screw up and fail)

To put it into more concrete terms, I difine gossip like this:

1. Anything that doesn't relate directly to me/my life/something I have experienced/ and how I would resolve a situation
2. Anything that involves venting/ranting/expressing frustration about a situation in such a way as to put someone (especially another Christian) in a bad light
3. Anything that's not mine to tell, regardless of whether I was specifically asked not to repeat it or not.
4. Anything that isn't constructive to another person or myself.

As my mother used to say about my attempts to clean my room (which I need to do) "If in doubt, throw it out" or "Better to keep your mouth shut, and let people think you are a fool, then to open your mouth and prove it"


Proverbs has quite a lot to say on the subject of conduct and gossip:

Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right. (Prov 20:11)

Gold there is, and rubies in abundance, but lips that speak knowledge are a rare jewel. (Prov 20:15)

A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man (or woman) who talks too much. (Prov 20:19)

And then there's Phillipians 4:8:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Perhaps I have a narrow view of what doesn't constitute gossip - but this is one of the few times when I think it's important to err on the side of caution. Words hurt far far more than most of us are willing to admit - unless we're on the receiving end of someone's verbal assault. We tend to treat handguns and knives with more respect and caution than we do the spoken word... yet words can do just as much damage - sometimes more, because it's not immediately visible damage. I have come to the point where I would rather be considered closed mouthed (and anyone who knows me, knows I'm capable of rambling at 90wpm+) than an untrustworthy gossip or hurt someone somehow with something thoughtless I've said.

Not to say that I'm going to take a vow of silence anytime soon, but that I need to work even more on watching what I say, thinking about it, pondering even, before I actually say it. The old woodworker's mantra applies "measure twice, cut once" - only it's "think twice, speak once"

So, in true discussion format - thoughts? questions? comments? opinions? I'm interested to know what you think on the subject...

48 Hours - an All NEW Edition

I know not everyone who's going to get this is on speaking terms with the Big Guy upstairs - if you are... prayer is appreciated - if not... that's all right too... here's a synopsis of the last 48 or so hours of my life...

Some of you know that my Grandmother has been having some problems health wise recently (as in - since Thanksgiving). This past week, has seen a sharp decline, as she has started behaving extremely erratically (usually leaving the house at unusual times in her pajamas in order to do something she considers extremely important... like mail a letter at 5am... only the post office isn't open, so she can't buy a stamp), so she sits outside for awhile, then goes home)

This last Saturday was the most serious episode, since we don't know exactly how long she was outside. Grandpa had hidden the car keys, so thankfully she wasn't behind the wheel this time, or I suspect someone would probably be dead right now. Grandpa woke up around 9am Sat, and couldn't find Grandma. (They live in Seattle - which had a 50 MPH wind / rain storm Friday night and Saturday). My entire family in that area was called in to search for her, as were the police and Search and Rescue teams. When they found her (curled up in the bushes about a block from the house), she was incoherent, and hypothermic. She was admitted to the psych ward at the hospital so they could stabilize her and make sure she didn't wander off again, but pneumonia is a pretty high risk right now. She's convinced there's a conspiracy in the family to have her committed, and unfortunately, by admitting her to the hospital for the hypothermia, I have a feeling that's cemented in her mind.

As of today, she's refusing her medication, thinking that the hospital is trying to poision her. The doctors are thinking right now that this is something temporary, brought on by shock and depression (rooted in the health problems that started back in Nov), but she's got to be taking the meds in order to see if she'll pull out of it - so there's a rather nasty catch 22 going on.I will be talking to my boss tomorrow about taking a couple days off so I can fly up and say goodbye... since things are so unpredictable that there's really no telling what tomorrow is going to bring.

So, specific focal points for prayer:
1. That I can keep a grip on myself and not become a basket case. It's been very difficult to not come unglued today - mostly because there's nothing I can do about the situation RIGHT NOW. I need patience, understanding and a deeper understanding of Philippians 4:6-7 :-)

2. That I can be alert and effective at work, so I can get my tasks done in less time then usual, so I can go up there with a clean desk behind me - and not worry about what I'm not getting done.

3. That God will intervene and break the cycle going on within Grandma, or at least provide one more opportunity for someone to share (attempt to share) the gospel. She has been extremely hostile and unreceptive thus far.

4. That Grandpa can hold up, and remain strong. My aunt says he appears to have aged 20 years in the last 3 days... and I'm concerned for him too

5. That my mom and her siblings (and my brother and I) can calmly and easily arrive at a course of action to persue through this - without a lot of fighting, crabbiness and hurt feelings.

My grandparents are David and Margaret, by the way.

Thank you for reading this, and for your thoughts and prayers. It means a lot to know that I am not alone going through this.

Personalities.... oh! The Possibilities

Ever taken a Myers-Briggs personality test? A few of us were discussing our personalities at New Year's ... and I thought I'd expound on it a little more here...

I've taken the test several times... and while I don't remember exactly what I scored the two or three times I've taken it before - this last round, I came out as an INFJ. That translates to:

Introvert - I "recharge" my batteries by being home and quiet.

iNtuitive - I like to look for patterns and relationships within the big picture.. I tend to enjoy variety and life, and am usually up for a challenge.

Feeling - I tend to pay attention to how people are reacting to me, and make my choices based on my convictions as much or more so than the "facts"

Judging - (not to be confused with judgemental) Even though aspects of my life don't reflect it... I like to have a method to the madness. I like to be organized, even if it's an organizational system understood only by me! I like to plan, and to know what to expect.

Yes, I'm an introvert. Surprisingly enough - I know several people who are extremely outgoing and social... introverts. When restricted to a social setting, an introvert will pick a 2 hour chat session over a cup of coffee and the extrovert will pick a largly attended christmas party consisting of many 5 minute conversations. Me - the largely attended party will give me a headache within an hour - I can't follow that many conversations at once! Not to say that everyone will ALWAYS pick along those lines... as this site points out, these are only indicators of preferance (sort of like being left or right handed.... you're perfectly capable of catching a ball with either hand (or learning to do so) but you have a natural preference for which hand you'll catch with. There are time's I can't stand my own company - and have to get out and go do something noisy and extroverted.

It's extremely interesting to see how - under extreme stress, the behaviors that people exhibit will flip flop from their normal "settings" to the exact opposite... (I'll get to what pairs with what in a minute). I've seen that flip-flop exhibited in my life as well, in some of the materialistic, impulsive, excessive things I've done (and later regretted) as well as being preoccupied with useless things... like picking the sock lint out of the grooves between the rubber nubbies on my swim shoes.... (extremely pointless - and yet there's an intense sense of satisfaction at the completion, so the organized side of me was happy!.... that was a REALLY stressful day!)

So, without going into too much more detail, because the website I mentioned covers everything much better than I can... here are the pairs:

Introvert vs. Extrovert
iNtuition vs. Sensing
Feeling vs. Thinking
Judging vs. Perception

Neither is better than the other - they're all just different.
An interesting side note - different traits are dominant, depending on the combination of traits (sort of like rock, paper sissors... but not)

Happy reading! I'd love to know what your personality is described as!

10 Ways Duct Tape Goes Back to School...

In the true spirit of all things duct tape... here's a top ten list for going back to school - and why every college student should have recieved a roll of duct tape in their christmas stocking...

from the great guys at www.ductapeguys.com...

10. Backpack reinforcement - help that old backpack make it through one more year of school - reinforce the bottom and seams with duct tape. (how many of us have done THIS?)

9. Contruct your own backpack! Cover a grocery bag entirely in Duct Tape, then duct tape the bag onto your kid's back (over clothing to avoid back skin and neck hair loss).

8. Book covers: Cover your books in paper, then cover the paper with duct tape. Don't tape right onto the book (school administrators are not real duct tape friendly, and will probably fine you for duct tape stickem all over your returned books).

7. Lunch money clip: Duct tape your kid's lunch money to the back of their leg so they don't loose it or have it stolen by the school bully.

6. Note from home security: Tape those notes from home onto your kid's forehead so they don't forget to give them to the teacher.

5. Reusable lunch bag: Don't waste your money purchasing a nylon reusable lunch bag... simply duct tape over a paper lunch bag - your kid will be the envy of the classroom, and this bag will last them right through to college!

4. Sandwich safety belt. Avoid the stain and embarrassment of sandwich spills. Duct tape around the sandwich holds the fillings in place. You just eat down to the duct tape - then squeeze the contents out.

3. Book straps: Some schools are forbidding backpacks because of security issues. The Duct Tape Guys suggest making a book strap out of duct tape (like grandpa and grandma used as kids). To avoid books from spilling out of the strap, duct tape the spines of the books to the strap.

2. Duct tape fashion: Save HUGE bucks... instead of purchasing expensive brand name clothing, cover your last year's outfits entirely in duct tape. Go with silver for the heavy metal look, black for a mysterious/artsy look, or try one of Duck® brand duct tape’s NEW Xtreme Tape® - it's duct tape in dayglo colors: hot pink, lime green, citron yellow, and blaze orange. The same colors that are so trendy with the Xtreme Sports participants.

1. Make a knowledge magnet. Duct tape around your head sticky-side-out, and every word that your teachers say will stick to the tape and soak into your brain. (This has not been fully tested, it's just a theory at this point).

There you have it folks - Just a few ideas to get you into the "back to school" mode... just in time for winter quarter!

Here's to a pleasant evening... and always remember to keep a roll of duct tape in your car trunk!