This is in response to both my brother's response to Jason's blog on lonliness, and Jason's blog itself. Rather than clog up the respective comment sections, I'll editorialize here.
I think Bryan's comment is right - we (that is Americans and American culture) have gotten into the habit of giving up easily. There are a dozen or two areas I could point fingers at as possible causes of this but that won't solve the problem, so I won't go there.
My first thought is - Why do we want to be known? To be accepted? To know we're valued? and on the flip side, Why don't we talk about feeling lonely? Are we afraid of discovering we're the only person who is? (We've already established that's not true) Are we afraid of being vulnerable, and having that vulnerability abused?
I think there's a bit of a catch 22 involved in making a GOOD connection with others. We want a connection with someone, but are afraid to bring up the subject and risk rejection. That fear builds a wall between ourselves and the world, leaving us feeling more isolated, more convinced that no one else will understand how we feel, and more afraid to speak up and reach out to someone else. More fear = more walls, and the cycle continues. It quickly becomes the proverbial elephant in the room, and leaves everyone feeling awkward around one another, and very little connecting actually happening.
My second thought is - American culture tends to base it's perception of reality on the media's portrayal of fantasy. I don't know about your life, but I certainly don't have nearly the amount of chaos, mayhem, romance and drama in a month of my life as happens in a half hour of any major prime time television series (pick your favorite). Does that mean there's something wrong with my life? Are all of my relationships supposed to resemble those of the characters in Grey's Anatomy? Am I a failure because, at 26, I don't have a six-figure career, a significant other who buys me jewelry and treats me like a queen, and a vacation house somewhere expensive? I think not. And I won't be a failure at 60 if I haven't accomplished any of those things either. I agree with my brother that we impose our pre-concieved notions of what a connection should be on one another before the first "hi" is even spoken, basing everything on what is portrayed as the ideal.
My third thought is - Don't expect perfection in an imperfect world. (and frankly, I think perfection would be boring). Today's disposable economy says "If it doesn't work the way you want it to, throw it out and go buy something that does." I think we get frustrated (and sometimes hurt) by imperfect connections, and toss them in the trash, rather than working on improving them. It's sort of like throwing the entire TV away and going shopping for a new one, simply because the bunny ears on top don't pick up ABC properly. (we'll leave cable and sattelite out of it for now). Rather than give up on the entire TV, a little effort at fine tuning things, and adjusting the situation (where the ears are pointing) will usually make vast improvements to the connection. If drastic measures are called for - get a bigger set of ears... :-)
My fourth thought is - God gave us two ears and one mouth - to be used in that proportion. Despite our lonliness, how willing are we to listen to someone else's problems, issues, lonliness? My mother used to tell me when I was a kid (and had just discovered that the mailman could bring letters to ME) that I had to send mail in order to get mail. In other words, initiate the connection, no matter how imperfect it may be.
*Tosses two pennies into the fish tank* There's my two cents worth for now... Anyone else have thoughts?? I'm sure I'll come up with more in time.
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